Oh. My. God. I am in the process of tilling up my garden area, and have discovered something: I don’t think I will be able to do it all as I wanted. One of the 4×8 beds down, one more of the same and a pumpkin patch to go. I can barely lift my forearms.
Tag Archives: coping
I’ve previously come to terms with my clinical depression in general. Sure, some days are good and some days are not, but generally I make it out alright.
Since I lost my job, though, the evenings have gotten harder. I can keep busy during the day with tasks around the house and running the kids around some, but after dinner is done and everybody is chilling, I get weighed down. The job loss really changed my self-perception.
For the past 15 years, I have been the major provider and bread-winner for the family. For the past two years, I’ve been working on school work in the evenings, as well, but that took a hiatus when I finished my AA in psychology back at the beginning of March. My next program (BA in emergency and disaster management) doesn’t kick off until the first week in May, so I’ll have had almost two full months off of school.
The evenings bring on prime-time TV, which is mostly uninspiring for me. We watch the national news, with a side dish of local, if I’m lucky and the timing is right. But, right now, I don’t really know what to do with myself when the TV shows that I am not interested in come on. No school to work on. Not much to be done around the house, and the gaming PC is time-shared. My game time starts at 10 PM so I’m left with four or five hours that I just kind of… Blargh.
It used to be that I would go up to the bedroom and use my computer to watch something on cable that I liked (EyeTV FTW!) but Kristen had me move my computer downstairs and put it on my “work” desk now that I am not working there. There’s no cable drop near here, so I can’t watch cable in this room. Now, I understand and intellectually agree that this is better for me, over-all, since I’ll be in the family milieu and not sequestered off alone.
Now, granted, since we’re Xfinity and HBO subscribers, I have access to a limited amount of video online. I’m not interested in most of the offerings, though. I may have to take a trip to the library for a card and start depending on *gasp* … Books.
Depression sometimes makes it hard to concentrate enough to read, though. Maybe audio books? That might have some potential (I’m looking at YOU, Podiobooks.com!)
Somewhere along the line, I learned something that I haven’t put into practice before today: When the world seems impossible, give yourself something easily achievable to accomplish for the day.
Today started feeling like a big stopping block. I’ve got to wait for a bunch of things to sort themselves out, like hearing back from the company to know for certain if I’m out on my ass. I’ve got to wait for my financial aid to get fine-tuned (final disbursement) in order to get my diploma and transcripts released. I’ve got a bunch of job applications in across the city that I can’t do anything about.
So, since I was feeling overwhelmed, I decided that m y goal for today was to get in the shower and have a nice shave. If you know anything about depression, you know that personal care can be one of those things that gets ignored, and I want to do everything that I can in order to stay out of THAT bottomless pit.
So, I took a shower and washed my hair. I got out my shaving stuff and had a nice shave with Coates 1847 Tea tree and Rosemary shave cream and Pinaud/Clubman musk aftershave. I’m waiting for my mustache to grow out some more so that I can wax it into a handlebar again, which I had a month or so back. I shaved that so I looked good for the cruise with SWMBO a couple of weeks ago.
Anyway, not my most ambitious day, but I accomplished something that took some effort on my part.